December has included a lot of bubbly.

Perfect summer evening

Our neighbor gave me a eggplant from her lush summer garden, and I prepared this gorgeous recipe from the NY Times. Served with oven-warmed pita, and thick, tangy Greek yogurt, it made a delish veg meal - perfectly accompanied by a nice glass of Spanish red for mom and seltzer with lingonberry syrup for Dear Daughter.

Later, we took our bikes to the new gelato place near Eastern Market, where I had a mix of Sicilian almond and chocolat noir, while she chose chocolate chip and strawberry.

Just about every part of this post has something I love about my life. Neighbors, garden vegetables, good food, Turkish-style braised eggplant, anything from Turkey, yogurt, anything from Greece, the New York Times, eating well, red wine, anything from Spain, lingonberry syrup, anything from Sweden, Dear Daughter, bikes, Capitol Hill, cities, ice cream, gelato, anything from Italy, almonds, chocolate, local, community, summer light,  and summer evenings.  Bliss.

Drying out - Day 17; 14 to go

The insights on not drinking remain small - not nearly as profound as I had imagined.

I continue to be tempted - really tempted - in certain situations with certain triggers. Like the time I went out for a really nice work dinner at Darlington House - the lovely Victorian rowhouse, our table next to the fireplace, and thoughtful fine food demanded a glass of fine wine; but also the long day at work that was continuing with this networking dinner meant I had to be 'ON' after 6pm, and would have been nicely smoothed out by a glass of vino.  Or the time I hung out with sis and family starting in the afternoon through easy supper, and wanted a cool beer to add to the casual family day, football in the background.  But once again, each time was pretty easily managed.

I feel clearer and more free - like my head is unclouded.  But there is no way, I drink near enough or often enough to be going through my regular life in an alcohol-induced fog, so I'm not sure I can attribute this clarity to not drinking.

Nonetheless, it does feel like my life is simpler - and that also means nicer - without alcohol...and without dating. And that scares and saddens me because I hope one day to have the pleasure of both a glass of good wine and a good man back in my life.

Drying out - Day 11; 20 to go

This whole experiment has been pretty anticlimactic so far.  I feared it would be much more difficult to give up drinking for the month. Right now, I'd say it's been one big nothing.

I've certainly had times when I would have liked a drink.  Like the time I made chili, and thought it would be delicious with a beer.  Or when I made a lovely Saturday steak dinner, and I thought a good Cab would be the perfect complement. Or when I had an awful, stressful day at work, and as I left the office, I thought, "Now I'll go home and NOT have a glass of wine."  Or when I went out with M for Happy Hour at Oyamel with amazing tacos 2 for $4, and delicious margaritas for $4 - and I had club soda.  Or when I went to the Tabard Inn with D for Sunday, and the warming fireplace, the cozy living room, the wood panels, and the jazz bassist and guitar on a cold winter night just screamed red wine or bourbon cocktail (and I don't even drink bourbon), but I had cranberry and soda.  Those times were tempting - but each time, I reminded myself I was not drinking for the month, and got over it quickly.

As for the mental and physical effects of not drinking, it's pretty anticlimactic, too.  So far, I might be less puffy (but I'm also over my cold).  I've lost a few pounds (but I'm not shrinking away).  I haven't had my willpower cave (or ever really be tried).  I have not craved a drink (or found it difficult to pass one up).  My social time with friends, some of them drinking buddies (M and D - both of whom I've been known to imbibe with), has been enjoyable.  And I have not been more or less inhibited with them.   I'm only a third of the way through, so it will be interesting to see if anything is compounding.

I'm interested to see how this experiment shows my relationship with alcohol.  Basically, at this early stage, I'd say it's a nice life enhancer.  As a foodie, I think wine, beer or a margarita are a nice complement to well-made meals.  After a long day at the office, a glass of wine helps me chill out, but I found myself  chilled out anyway after not very long without it.  As a social tool, it's nice to have the added effect of of a small buzz of wine in my system.  But all of of this, while nice, has not been notable.

And though, I have a while to go, and I intend to drink again, perhaps (if good comes out of this experiment) in a new way it's been One Big Nothing.  And that is A Good Thing.

Drying out - Day 4; 27 to go

I like to drink.  Especially wine, especially red.  I also like margaritas with Mexican food.  A cold gin & tonic on a summer day.  A beer with junk food and sporting events.   I drink regularly - almost, but not always - every day. I drink from 2 to too many drinks.  I drink to complement and savor a good meal.  I drink to chill out, to take the edge off a hard day, to de-stress and unwind.  I drink as a social activity.  Sometimes, but not often, I drink too much.  A few times last year - 2 or 3 specific times that I recall - I drank more than I should have, when I knew better, and when I had some regrets.

I'm abstaining from alcohol this month.   I have reasons - various and sundry - for not drinking.

1.  I feel "puffy."  Water retention, that may or may not be related to alcohol, is beginning to bother me.  I'm curious if I will de-puff when I lay off alcohol for a bit.
2.  I feel like crap - tired, run down and fighting a nagging chronic cough.  Alcohol, and other vices and excess are not what I need.
3.  It's time to cleanse and detox.  After a month of holiday indulgence - wine, food, spending - I want to practice some self-discpline and cleaner living.
4.  I want to jump-start the next 5.  Over the last few months, the pounds crept on.  A function of several things - lots of fun, lots of stress, a metabolism that screeched to a halt at 40, a little break in the groove of my swimming routine.  But later in the year, I caught on to the stealth creep.  I have reversed the trend, even losing 3-4 pounds over the holidays.  Losing the empty calories in alcohol will hopefully help jumpstart the next Minus-5.
5.  I'm curious how I will feel experiencing life stone sober.  True, the vast majority of my life is stone sober, but what will a dinner party feel like (Actually, I didn't drink NYE over our five course dinner, except the glass of champagne with dessert.  It felt fine - a little boring but fine.)  What will Happy Hour feel like at Oyamel on Thursday when I don't/can't have one of their delicious margaritas?  Will it be difficult to be at a bar and NOT drink?  Will I be tempted?  Will I be VERY tempted?  Will I cave?  Will a bar be louder and more obnoxious when I'm not drinking?  Will I have a good time?
6. Can I do it?  I'm curious whether I can go a month without drinking - and somewhat scared that I can't.  Self-discipline is hardly my strength.  I hate regimens and rules.  I cave on my resolve on all sorts of piddly things for piddly reasons.
7.  And if I do cave,  is it my lack of self-discipline (my chronic lifelong trait) or actually evidence of a drinking problem.  I don't think so, but is that just denial and self-delusion?  You know that "i-can-stop -anytime-I-want-to-I-just-don't-want-to."  Well, the next month is my little test of those systems.  I didn't drink for months when I was pregnant.  More recently, I've gone days, but I don't think a full week, without a drink.  I'm never interested in drinking before evening - a daytime drink makes me tired and sick.  I sometimes don't finish a whole drink when I drink in the day.  So this is the time to put the "I'm pretty sure I don't have a drinking problem" to the test. What is my relationship to alcohol anyway?  
8. I'm curious to observe this as an anthropologist while I'm not drinking.  Do I crave it?  When?  What are my temptation points?  Do I need it or do I enjoy it?  Can I resist it?  I hope to get better insight to my relationship with alcohol in its absence.

It's the end of Day 4.  So far, so good.  On Sunday, as I sat down to a nice salmon dinner, I looked at the wine bottle on the counter, and thought it would be nice with the piece of fish, but I overcame that pretty quickly.  Today, I had a stressful day at work, and I thought, "Now I'll go home, and NOT have a glass of wine."  It would have tasted good, and felt good, too, but the moment passed.  I've made some plans for dinners and drinks over the next few weeks.

I'll report back of some of the other outcomes on issues 1-to-8 over the next month.  Until then, Cheers!

Chemistry of a kiss

If I had to describe that first kiss in the manner that the waiter described the wine last night, it would be...

Full-bodied, but restrained; completely un-awkward; complex for its age - with low, deep and resonant top notes (like the jazz bassist to whom we listened earlier), and timid, breath-y undertones (like a butterfly's wing); with a subtle sexy finish that completely sneaks up on you.