Why I'm single...

Because I want to be.  Because it would take a a VERY special person to make it worth not being single.

Because I'm busy and full.  I love my work, and I work hard at it, it's demanding, and that's OK. I have friends and fun and family, and they all fill me up.

Because I'm a mom.  She gives me lots of meaning.  Not all meaning, of course.  I have little privacy.  And very little room to take care of me, which I do when I can, and that's always primordial and lovely.

Because I'm strong and independent.  I like being a free agent. I sometimes can't imagine the space to cultivate and tend a relationship. I've struggled with the idea of "reporting" and being accountable to someone else.

Because I focused on men for too long.  This seems ridiculous to me right now.  But ok, no beating myself up and no regrets. I'm on a journey. It's a beautiful one.

Because I'm ok with vulnerability, but not very good at it.

Writing again

I just started a creative writing class, and it's fueling me like nobody's business.  Just 4-weeks long, 2-hours every Monday night.  It. Is. So. Fun.

Tonight's earlier post, a hastily written short story, came from that.  A writing partner gave us a character - their character - and we had to write  a quick short story about that character.  We had just 25 minutes.

My writing group partner, Richard, described his character: a man in his 20's having experienced his first failure.  Broke, down and out on his luck, surrounded by take-out containers.  Now, that he had failed, he was open to possibilities. Open and ready to pick himself up, and start making money by any means.  

Steve was born.  I don't know if it's any good or not.  Not horrible for a quickie exercise, I suppose.

But there are some things I like about it or at least had great fun with. I like his apartment full of desperation and depression.  I love that the "world wide web" is accessed from his isolated and depressed apartment, and ultimately, the "world wide web" will isolate and depress him more.  I like that his entrepreneurial risk that he took with his start-up, is now playing out with online poker.  He likes quick wins; making quick money drives him.  He is impatient.  He loves the addiction and the adrenaline of it all - for better for worse.  I like how The Golden Ticket somewhat evokes Willy Wonka.  I love the line about $$ and the XX's on porn sites.

Thank you.

The Golden Ticket (a hastily written short story)

Steve slumped on his couch, a crumpled mess.  He hadn’t showered in days, and even he could smell his own stink. The TV blared in the background, some cable host blabbing.  Steve didn’t know or care what or who anymore, it had all blurred together over the last few days. “Meaningless.  All fucking meaningless,” he muttered.

His stomach rumbled, and he farted simultaneously. “Hungry,” he thought.  But he was uninspired by the pile of take-out menus stacked on the table beside him.  They matched the collection of containers scattered around him on the table, floor, and couch, which in turn matched the collection of condiments: soy, ketchup, hot sauce.

“Damn bastards got there first!” he said to the empty room. “It was my idea! My concept! Mine!” He was nearly shouting now, but it took too much energy.  He slumped again. 

Coulda, woulda, shoulda been a millionaire.  Steve’s app, LumberJack, had been on the verge of acquisition.  A brilliant social network with an actual revenue component, Lumberjack was hot in the coveted 18 to 24 year old space,  and growing in members and clicks by the hour.

But the two guys over at the Firefly app had been steadily creeping up on him over the last two months.  Steve felt the heat, and was dying to close his damn deal.  He also noted the longer pauses between negotiating calls.  

And then last week, the dreaded call came.  He had let it go to voicemail, he knew what it was.  “Steve, I’m sorry.  It’s just not gonna work out.  Stay in touch, you’ve got great potential,” said the tech firm’s dispassionate counsel.  Steve had listened to those words over and over again since.

Now he was broke, his money had all gone into business development.  He had pre-spent some of his deal money.  He had tasted it.

Steve turned on his laptop, balanced it across his knees, and ate a chip.  Clicking, browsing, surfing the world wide web.  He started playing a game of Solitaire, but was instantly numb.  He craved the excitement he’d been feeling before the call, back when he held the Golden Ticket.  

An ad blinked in the right hand corner of his screen.  “Online Poker. Win. Win. Win.” The dollar signs were as plentiful and tantalizing as the X’s on the door to a porn site.  He clicked, and played a quick winning hand.  He reached for his credit card, not quite maxed out, he realized, the light returning to his listless eyes.  

“Small money. Just a little fun,"  he thought.  He won again, and stated chatting with the online lurkers on the bottom of his screen.  His energy was building with another win.

Steve got up, cleared off the table, plugged in, and sat down.  Another win, his total had crept up to over $1,000 in just a few minutes.  

Steve entered the high roller room.  “Just looking,” he said to himself, picked up the phone and dialed the Thai place down the street.  He watched the high roller action for a few minutes.  The $10,000 bet button winked at him, he ignored it, but it winked at him again.  He clicked.  “My Golden Ticket,” he said with a small smile creeping across his face.  He was back in the game.

5 Words.

Interesting exercise via Joanna Goddard via Nora Ephron.

Five words I'd use to describe myself right now - that is, today, September 2, 2014, age 44

Smart. Funny. Mom. Searching. Homey.

Struggled with # 5 - Professional...Successful...Content...Homebody....Present...Here...all came to mind.

I [HAIKU] NY

 

Wow! It's National Poetry Month!  How'd I miss it?!?  
Hello, Billy Collins, Mary Oliver, Margaret Atwood.
Urban poetry lover that I am, THIS inspired me to blog again.

Once again the NYTimes nails it by inviting readers to write a haiku about the Big Apple. Five/Seven/Five syllables. 
Evoking nature. 
Quiet. 
Japanese. 
Haiku is my favorite poetry form.

Here are some simple beauties:

morning Q commute
has the best smell of the day:
coffee and shampoo
                     —Vanessa Vichit-Vadakan, 43, Berkeley, Calif.

Riding through the park
no daffodils blooming yet
— but unbuttoned coats.
                  —Sharon Rousseau, 50, Manhattan

“Insufficient fare!”
But, without saying a word,
stranger swipes me in.
                   —Janet Gottlieb, 59, Brooklyn

If the “F” comes now,
I could get there, right on time.
But I’m still in bed.
            —Jill Helene, 34, Manhattan

On the 6 to Spring
two cops help a tourist whose
map is upside down
            —Frances Richey, 63, Manhattan

****Themes were kindness, strangers, 6am, commute, the island, and solitude.  Thus, a few train references. :-)

Love this!

Just really appreciated this set of posters advertising an art exhibit in Dakar.  Nice, storng graphic statement.  Love the blue-black-white print.  Nice going, Dakar!

Tempting

Another little fantasy - how about a home in Cyprus?  Check out the article and the slide show.  I can so feel the warm sun, the fresh breeze.  I can taste the olives and the glass of wine. I can imagine reading the book on the patio, the stroll about town.

At 450,000 euro, it's a dream, but a good one!

Music, movement, breath, beauty

Wow.  Isn't this gorgeous?  This interactive media feature in the New York Times shows how conducting works with the musical director of the New York Philharmonic.  With very cool videographics from the Movement Lab, we can see the invisible lines and waves he makes with the tips of his fingers and the swoops of his hands.  We see him crouch and lift, bend and nod, as he explains what he his trying to draw out of two classical pieces.  I especially like the way he explains the draw of the note (how it finishes) and anticipating the arrival of a new instrument.

Classical music can be so  supremely beautiful.  At my trip to the Kennedy Center last month to see a special concert of the National Symphony Orchestra, I was so enchanted with how classical music just holds you.  There is something in classical music where the individual sounds of the dozens of instruments and an odd hundred musicians swirl in the air, blend, and become one beautiful sound.  I remember trying to just listen for the strings or the woodwinds, and it is a difficult task, as they become indistinct from one another as they fill each corner of that magnificent hall.

Things that make me happy

Because you just can't help but smile, when you round the corner, and see Big Ben....
on a clear blue sky London day...

...or after a stupendous evening.

Smart & Sushi

Best Cocktail of My Entire Life

In between my Tuesday late afternoon meeting and meeting the fam for Indian dinner, I stopped by the exquisite Brown's Hotel in Mayfair for a cocktail.  Best mixology I've ever encountered! - see below photo of the counter along the bar of potions and mists to make these tasty chic and tres cher cocktails.

In anticipation of a lovely dinner ahead, I enjoyed The Indian Touch, a sparkler composed of fresh mottled raspberries with gomme syrup and cardamom seed infused Brockman's gin topped with fine French champagne. ($25- ahem)

I can't say I've ever had a memorable cocktail before.  This totally qualifies!  The bartender took good care of me - I think because at the crowded bar, I was the one who was savoring every sip, every moment.

Long distance train travel? Why, yes, I'd love to!

A wonderful article in this week's WaPo travel section extolled the virtues of long distance train travel.   This particular article highlighted the writer's trip on the DC-Chicago line Capitol Limited, and then from Chicago to San Francisco on the California Zephyr, through the glorious Rockies!  There's also the Empire Builder that takes a northern route to Seattle across the Dakotas.  Wow.  I am enchanted.  Check out the breathtaking photo gallery.

I love train travel.  Even on my regular trip to NYC a few times a year, I just stare out the window mostly at industrial NJ along the I-95 corridor, but also across the Chesapeake and its tributaries as we race through Maryland.  It's a short-trip, about 3 hours, but I always feel relaxed after a train ride.

Last summer, I took Dear Daughter to NYC by train.  She was dying to see the "snack car," which i think she imagined like a DC-subway car filled with all the goldfish crackers and granola bars you could ever want.  I've been tempted to take her on a longer train trip to Burlington, Vermont or even Montreal, Canada.  It's still in my sights, though I haven't worked out all the details. On one of my trips, I sat next to a guy who had taken his teenage son on a train trip to Chicago to visit family.  Tempting.

And these long-distance more exotic trips across the country or down the west coast sound even more magical.  The Coast Starlight (Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles). The Lakeshore Limited (NYC, Boston, Albany, Chicago).   Amtrak Cascades (Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Eugene, Salem). I'm blissed out by the routes alone.  Forty-hours on a train?  Perhaps it would lose its allure quicker than I think - for me, let alone a nearly-8 (!) year old.  But I imagine a panoramic window seat, lots of card games, a few books, an iPad, and a iPod Genius soundtrack would while away the time just fine.

What's holding me back? I haven't worked out the logistics, and silly as it may sound I can't figure out what we are doing when we get to our destination, or how we get back....Not rocket science, I know, but still puzzling me for the moment.

Book here.  All aboard!

Most Pink. Bakerloo Line, London

Can you find La Nouvelle Observatrice?

Most Awesome Kid on the Planet. Southbank, London

More London photos to be posted in due course....

Car-free in DC

 

Interesting data from Greater Greater Washington shows a nice swath of car-free households! Of course, there are two main reasons you might not have a car: 1) you need a car, but you can't afford it or 2) you can afford a car, but don't need it. I'll take glass-half-full for both. For those that can't afford a car, they can be car-free just by virtue of public transport available in cities.* In far too many places, public transit is unavailable or abysmal. There, even the poor need to own a car to get to work or school and buy groceries - and by necessity must shoulder the costs of gas, insurance, maintenance and car payments. For those who can afford a car, but don't need it, public transit and walkable communities allow them to choose to live car-free. Yippee!

I do own a car, though I arguably don't need it.  I have a metro station 1.5 blocks a way, a bus on my corner, and a Capital BikeShare membership - plus, I like to walk.  I can get to work door-to door by public transit in less than 30 minutes (Thank god!).  My neighborhood amenities are plentiful - a coffee shop within 3 blocks, a supermarket within 5 blocks, and a commercial district with shops and restaurants within 1 mile of my house.   Despite all that, my car sure makes things easier when lugging around a kid and her associated stuff.  On most weeks, my car does not leave it's parking space for 4-5 days straight. 

And Happy 4th Birthday to my Prius!  You look and feel great @ 28,118 miles, 40+ mpg!

*Yes, I'm aware that the poor are increasingly squeezed out of great city living because of lack of affordable housing.  Haven't reconciled this.  More affordable, housing and mixed income development!  But that's a different post, I'm not capable of taking on here and now.