Most Pink. Bakerloo Line, London

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The Poor Philanthropist

Today'sWaPo had a good Fact Checker blog post about Obama's charitable giving.  Apparently, at the recent Conservative PAC conference (excuse me...hairball), one pol full of hot air chastised Obama for giving less than 1% of his income to charity.  Fact Checker noted that Obama's giving was indeed rather low as a proportion of his income in 2002 through 2004 before he became a Senator, and took on running for President.  Back then, when his income hovered around mid-200K, he was giving 0.5% to 2% of income to charity.  In more recent years, with income over the $1m mark, his total giving and giving as a proportion of income increased dramatically - well above 9%. Factchecker takeaway: conservative pol mischaracterized Obama's giving, and was not accurate to date

My takeaway: At any wealth point, we must all be philanthropists. And by the way, isn't the idea of being a philanthropist so much more appealing and empowering than charitable giving?  Perhaps it's because I work in a non-profit that I see how much those donations matter.  However, more importantly,  I am a philanthropist because I place great value on many things that don't create a profit margin  - art, my reproductive freedom, high-quality news reporting, my kid's school experience, my spiritual home.  While these things cost money to create, protect, and provide, they don't readily lend themselves to free market pricing.  So I make it a point to not take any of them for granted, place some monetary value on these priceless things, and then give generously to them.

In my annual personal financial audit for 2011, I made good financial progress.  Last year's goal was stability, and I am more or less there.   Last year, that meant my financial housekeeping included virtually eliminating all debt; establishing legal and financial safeguards for Dear Daughter; and creating and enacting some spending controls.  This year's goal is maintaining that stability, and achieving better financial security. That will mean more of the same (I haven't mastered it all), plus socking more money away to create greater margin for error (well, life's financial vicissitudes).

All the while, I'm far from frugal, and sometimes I'm downright lavish even when my money house isn't fully in order.  I like nice clothes, pedicures, a good haircut, a regular vacation, and going out for a good time.  Sometimes I like all this when I should really be liking a college savings account, a brown bag lunch or a practical pair of snow boots.  (Boring.)

But I digress.  Even amidst managing my personal spending and my personal financial goals, I make sure to exercise my personal philanthropy.  Last year, I gave 2.5% of my income to charity (the average American gives 1.4%, making me above average, of course :-).  In my audit, I calculated that about half went to Dear Daughter's school and All Souls Church.  I gave another 30% to causes near and dear to my heart - reproductive rights and health services (NARAL and Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington), and donating to my line of work in global health and development.  The final 20% went to other organizations of personal importance or connection - like the finding a cure and remembering my late niece with the Brain Tumor Society; my morning listening pleasure with NPR; and supporting my younger cousin traveling to the national finals with the West Forsyth High School Equestrian Team.

In 2012, I hope to give just a little bit more.  My goal is 3% of income going to my philanthropy goals.  It will be a stretch; I believe it should be.  I could just as well spend this significant sum money on a nice vacation.  But then I wouldn't be putting my money behind all that matters to me.  Besides it would be horrible if we lost access to high-quality, comprehensive, women's healthcare or the community arts workshop closed its doors while I was sitting on the beach in Jamaica.

London!

I'm very much looking forward to having Dear Daughter join me on my upcoming business trip to London at the end of the month.  The trip has been on the work radar for a while.  At one point, it included Paris, but that became too complicated and expensive.  Only recently, did Dearest Mommy aka Grandma decide to join us, making it actually feasible to both work and sightsee, and extending the 3 days of business meetings into a 6-day working holiday.

And what a pleasure it's been to read the guidebooks and children's literature accounts of London, and hitting YouTube and the Mary Poppins DVD for more inspiration.  I'm so psyched she'll get to see some of my favorites - the Tate Modern (and the entire funky Southbank), Big Ben (and the princely Houses of Parliament and Westminster), Mayfair's staid offices (and my falafel and fresh juice lunch shop), the thrilling, one-of-a-kind, London Eye (that pretty much triggers an anxiety attack in me that I must actively manage with deep breathing. But, whatever, SO worth it).  We'll make it to the Globe Theatre (or else I'll never get the free pass from the Shakespeare-obsesses teacher for the days out of school), and other London icons like St.Paul's Cathedral and the Tower of London.  At some point we'll pass through the dreaded Picadilly Circus and Covent Garden going from somewhere and to somewhere.  We'll breeze throughTrafalgar Square, because its lovely St. Martin-in-the-Fields hosts daily free concerts, and is the architectural model for our beloved home church, All Souls.

No trip is complete for me without the food teasers. I was delighted to see today's New York Times article by my crush Mark Bittman, "In London, Flavors of India without the Fuss."   Such a difficult choice among four delectable restaurant descriptions.  I was first tempted by the 70's decor and the incredible descriptions of dishes at Cafe Spice Namaste.  I was also momentarily seduced by Sitaaray, and its Bollywood theme (this and other pictures at the NYTimes slide show).  But, we have decided quite happily to check out Chor Bizarre in Mayfair, just a few blocks from our London offices.  I like its irreverent and self-depracating allusions to pick-pockets and pawn shops, it's cheesy antiques decor, and its Delhi-London pedigree.  The black lentil daal sounds amazing, as does the Bhagare Baingan - see full mouth-watering menu here.  

I'm so excited to speak British English - I'm teaching Dear Daughter to say 'loo,' 'lift,' and 'lorry' - and to travel by tube, taxi, and doubledecker bus.  It's all such a grand adventure isn't it?

Birthday

Marine Biology - Sunset (amazing light)

Marine Biology

 

College Night

Buffalo Wins (homemade)

Ranch Dip (homemade)

Carrots & Celery

Black Bean Dip (homemade) & Salsa (not)

Chips

Beer

Drying out - Day 17; 14 to go

The insights on not drinking remain small - not nearly as profound as I had imagined.

I continue to be tempted - really tempted - in certain situations with certain triggers. Like the time I went out for a really nice work dinner at Darlington House - the lovely Victorian rowhouse, our table next to the fireplace, and thoughtful fine food demanded a glass of fine wine; but also the long day at work that was continuing with this networking dinner meant I had to be 'ON' after 6pm, and would have been nicely smoothed out by a glass of vino.  Or the time I hung out with sis and family starting in the afternoon through easy supper, and wanted a cool beer to add to the casual family day, football in the background.  But once again, each time was pretty easily managed.

I feel clearer and more free - like my head is unclouded.  But there is no way, I drink near enough or often enough to be going through my regular life in an alcohol-induced fog, so I'm not sure I can attribute this clarity to not drinking.

Nonetheless, it does feel like my life is simpler - and that also means nicer - without alcohol...and without dating. And that scares and saddens me because I hope one day to have the pleasure of both a glass of good wine and a good man back in my life.

Friends, family, love, hugs

This weekend, I've been blessed with wonderful friends and family surrounded by love.  It's felt so marvelous.  No special occasion, no special efforts just beautifulness.  Some highlights...

• A long, lazy Saturday morning with Dear Daughter.  We are reveling in each other lately.
• Saturday evening with my sister and family - hanging out with nachos and talking about nothing in particular.  The kids, her husband, sis, and me - floating in and out seamlessly - just family ease and love.
• Sunday morning at All Souls Church - a big (first) hug from Rev. Rob Hardies, with a nice 'mwah' to accompany it.  A beautiful soprano voice fills the silence of the sanctuary with "We Shall Overcome."  
• Sunday brunch with my first new, real friend in years.  M is also a single mom, doing 90% of the parenting.  She's also urban, professional, accomplished and stylish.  It's nice to have a new friend with so much in common.
• Sunday "quiet time" with a book and a computer.
• Giving flowers to our au pair to celebrate her 1-year anniversary in our home and family. It feels good to give and to make others feel good. 
• An evening with K&J - dear longtime friends who excude warmth, welcome and goodness.  A delicious dinner.

Today is reserved for nothing in particular - some cooking, some relaxing, reading, and perhaps some games.  I could not be more content.

Expect the unexpected

La Nouvelle Observatrice is briefly interrupted from her fantasy vacation in Paris with news from the homefront.  Dear Daughter, G, has learned to swim!  No...that's not it, though that's great news.  This one involves Dear ex-Husband, and if you need to catch-up on what *was* the latest, please see "Postcard from Wisteria Lane" and "Scenes from an (ex) Marriage" posts of the last month or so.

So, it seems DxH and his new (old) bride were set to leave for Germany Tuesday evening to begin their new life together on an Army base with likely eventual deployment to Afghanistan (shocking already that this is my reality, but it is, and I have learned to (had to) adapt accordingly).  But he got a call on Tuesday morning that her papers were not processed, and she could not leave.  Discussions of options and alternatives ensued - leave her, extend his leave - neither was possible.  What does that leave?  Change his orders, and re-assign him.  A few posts were open on bases in Texas and North Carolina (again, I sometimes don't believe I am writing these words about the man I was once married to, though not one I recognize as the man I married).  But wait, here's the list...How about Walter Reed in DC?

Walter Reed Army Hospital in DC?  And so it is.  It seems in the last 24 hours, DxH's plans have done a complete u-turn, and he will be living in DC.  This is HUGE, and will have huge, mostly good implications for me and for G.  First, G will have her dad back - this is simply fantastic.  But also, I will have a co-parent again - both in support and in relief, and that will be wonderful.  On the downside, I will have a co-parent again (and his co-parent) - both in negotiation and complications, and that will be hard.  There is more - I'm sure - but I am still in shock.

After all this time, after all the events, twists, turns, surprises, highs, and lows.... Knowing me, knowing DxH, knowing the last few years of our situation - nothing should surprise me anymore.  The news of the last 24-hours have presented a complete reversal from all that I was planning for and expecting of the coming months.  This is good news, and it is what I had hoped for when I dared to hope (at least with the cards I was holding).  And I suppose, I know by now, that it will also be mixed with some other welcome and unwelcome surprises.  This could be a game-changer. It's not bad, it's probably even good, it's certainly different... I'm utterly terrified.

We now return to the witty commentary and glossy pics of La Nouvelle Observatrice on location in Paris.

Cool! Must see....

My favorite aunt and uncle were recently in town.  I hosted them for breakfast, and scammed an invitation for dinner with them at G-town's La Chaumiere.  It was a lovely evening - delicious food and good conversation.  As NYC public school teachers and former Peace Corps Volunteers (like me), our conversations often turn to some my favorite topics - art, reading, travel, the NY Times, the state of public education, cooking, etc.

On this trip to DC, they spent the day at the museums, and this exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of Africa Art sounds just wonderful.  I have always been vexed that the museum did not feature more contemporary African (and diaspora) artists.  Instead, it has defined African art as sort of a natural history/sociocultural/anthropological collection of ornately carved drums, walking sticks and pipes.  So I'm pleased the new curator gives these artists more attention.  I am also a fan of textiles, and the Dutch wax print fabrics, so prevalent in West Africa, are familiar and evocative to me.  Here, Yinka Shonibere uses these amazing vibrant printed fabrics to recreate Victorian scenes.    Here's another.  Anyway, just another way to look at things and bend the mind a bit.  I will have to check it out soon.