Today, Dear ex-Husband and I told daughter G about the changes in his life. See "Postcard from Wisteria Lane" entry from February for an an idea of what that guy is up, too. It's a bit of a struggle to keep things on the smooth side - but for the kid, we try. A united front. Here's the transcript.
Characters: Dear ex-Husband, G (Dear daughter), Me (La Nouvelle Observatrice, our protagonist)
Setting: The family living room.
Act 1: Scene 1
DxH: So Mama and I want to talk to you about something important.
[G looks a little uneasy, and looks to me for comfort or a clue.]
DxH: I met someone special. She is my true love, and my friend. Her name is Christina.
[G's eyes are wide as saucers. Her jaw drops. The wheels in her little brain are spinning. She looks sort of happy, sort of incredulous, also shocked, and slightly befuddled.]
G: Are you getting married?!?!?
DxH: Well, we already did get married. It was a small wedding. It was in Tanzania. And now, we're married. One day, we'll have a party, and I want you to come celebrate. I want you and Mama to be there.
[A small wave of nausea overtakes me at that last part, but I keep up the smile of the united front. Frankly, I don't need to celebrate. The where, the how, the who of the situation make me slightly ill].
G: Is this what you guys have been talking about all this time?
DxH, Me: [together, smiling. This kid doesn't miss a thing]: Yes.
G: Why didn't you tell me before?
DxH: It's important and it's special. You don't just say, I got married, and this is my wife. We wanted to tell you together.
Me: She' s in Texas, now. But she'll meet you soon. She's from Tanzania.
G: Is she tan?
[DxH: Puzzled look; Me: bemused one]
G: Is she black, brown, tan or white?
DxH: She's black.
G: Oh. [Contemplates]. Is she big?
DxH: A little big. She's healthy.
G: Am I gonna have 2 moms?
DxH: Sorta. You don't have to have her be your mom if you're not comfortable. We won't force you.
Me: For now, she's Baba's someone special. He loves her and he married her. She's your stepmom. But really a mom, is the person who loves and takes care of you, and you love them back. One day, as you get to know her, she might feel like that. But right now, she's Baba's wife.
DxH: This doesn't change anything. I'm still your dad. And mom's still your mom.
Me: And we'll always be And we love you. Everything else is the same.
DxH: She's coming to Washington in a few days. You'll meet her then. But she's not staying here. Then I'll go stay with her.
Me: Yes. Baba will stay with Christina somewhere else. It's not really right to have your ex-husband stay with you with his new wife It's sort of strange.
G: Yeah. And I might get confused.
Act Act 1, Scene 2
[A little later, Laz is at the store, and Grace comes to talk to me.]
G: Are you sad Baba found a true love?
Me: No. I'm happy for him. I want him to be happy. I want everyone to be happy, wherever they are. I want everyone to find a love. And just be happy. I'm happy - I'm going to Paris, I've got a great daughter, a great house, lots of friends. I'm happy for Baba too; he's found a love.
[Upchuck creeping up again. But united front must win out]
G: Do you think Baba loves you.
Me: Yes, I do. He does love me. I mean I'm not his true love anymore. But he loves me because I'm a good person, and because I take good care of his wonderful daughter. He loves me for taking such good care of you.
G: Do you think Christina is fat?
Me: I don't know. I don't care how she looks. She must be wonderful, if Baba loves her. [There's that nausea again]. What I care about is how you feel. How do you feel, G?
G: [Big sigh] It's a long story.
Me: I have time. How are you feeling? Are you happy or are you sad?
G: [Sighs, not very responsive]
Me: You can tell me anytime how you feel. Even if it's a long story. Even if it doesn't make sense.
G: [seems satisfied, approaches me to hug me] You'll always be my mama, Mama.
Me: [in shock, in awe of this girl, heart melting] I know that. And you'll always be my daughter.
G: I know.
Me: And I will always love you.
G: Me, too.
Seriously, folks, I'm not making this up. This is my awesome, amazing, almost 6 year old. Such a deep kid, so caring, so perceptive. And Dear ex-Husband - well, he's the ex - and that's a really good thing.
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