Why I'm single...

Because I want to be.  Because it would take a a VERY special person to make it worth not being single.

Because I'm busy and full.  I love my work, and I work hard at it, it's demanding, and that's OK. I have friends and fun and family, and they all fill me up.

Because I'm a mom.  She gives me lots of meaning.  Not all meaning, of course.  I have little privacy.  And very little room to take care of me, which I do when I can, and that's always primordial and lovely.

Because I'm strong and independent.  I like being a free agent. I sometimes can't imagine the space to cultivate and tend a relationship. I've struggled with the idea of "reporting" and being accountable to someone else.

Because I focused on men for too long.  This seems ridiculous to me right now.  But ok, no beating myself up and no regrets. I'm on a journey. It's a beautiful one.

Because I'm ok with vulnerability, but not very good at it.

Writing again

I just started a creative writing class, and it's fueling me like nobody's business.  Just 4-weeks long, 2-hours every Monday night.  It. Is. So. Fun.

Tonight's earlier post, a hastily written short story, came from that.  A writing partner gave us a character - their character - and we had to write  a quick short story about that character.  We had just 25 minutes.

My writing group partner, Richard, described his character: a man in his 20's having experienced his first failure.  Broke, down and out on his luck, surrounded by take-out containers.  Now, that he had failed, he was open to possibilities. Open and ready to pick himself up, and start making money by any means.  

Steve was born.  I don't know if it's any good or not.  Not horrible for a quickie exercise, I suppose.

But there are some things I like about it or at least had great fun with. I like his apartment full of desperation and depression.  I love that the "world wide web" is accessed from his isolated and depressed apartment, and ultimately, the "world wide web" will isolate and depress him more.  I like that his entrepreneurial risk that he took with his start-up, is now playing out with online poker.  He likes quick wins; making quick money drives him.  He is impatient.  He loves the addiction and the adrenaline of it all - for better for worse.  I like how The Golden Ticket somewhat evokes Willy Wonka.  I love the line about $$ and the XX's on porn sites.

Thank you.

The Golden Ticket (a hastily written short story)

Steve slumped on his couch, a crumpled mess.  He hadn’t showered in days, and even he could smell his own stink. The TV blared in the background, some cable host blabbing.  Steve didn’t know or care what or who anymore, it had all blurred together over the last few days. “Meaningless.  All fucking meaningless,” he muttered.

His stomach rumbled, and he farted simultaneously. “Hungry,” he thought.  But he was uninspired by the pile of take-out menus stacked on the table beside him.  They matched the collection of containers scattered around him on the table, floor, and couch, which in turn matched the collection of condiments: soy, ketchup, hot sauce.

“Damn bastards got there first!” he said to the empty room. “It was my idea! My concept! Mine!” He was nearly shouting now, but it took too much energy.  He slumped again. 

Coulda, woulda, shoulda been a millionaire.  Steve’s app, LumberJack, had been on the verge of acquisition.  A brilliant social network with an actual revenue component, Lumberjack was hot in the coveted 18 to 24 year old space,  and growing in members and clicks by the hour.

But the two guys over at the Firefly app had been steadily creeping up on him over the last two months.  Steve felt the heat, and was dying to close his damn deal.  He also noted the longer pauses between negotiating calls.  

And then last week, the dreaded call came.  He had let it go to voicemail, he knew what it was.  “Steve, I’m sorry.  It’s just not gonna work out.  Stay in touch, you’ve got great potential,” said the tech firm’s dispassionate counsel.  Steve had listened to those words over and over again since.

Now he was broke, his money had all gone into business development.  He had pre-spent some of his deal money.  He had tasted it.

Steve turned on his laptop, balanced it across his knees, and ate a chip.  Clicking, browsing, surfing the world wide web.  He started playing a game of Solitaire, but was instantly numb.  He craved the excitement he’d been feeling before the call, back when he held the Golden Ticket.  

An ad blinked in the right hand corner of his screen.  “Online Poker. Win. Win. Win.” The dollar signs were as plentiful and tantalizing as the X’s on the door to a porn site.  He clicked, and played a quick winning hand.  He reached for his credit card, not quite maxed out, he realized, the light returning to his listless eyes.  

“Small money. Just a little fun,"  he thought.  He won again, and stated chatting with the online lurkers on the bottom of his screen.  His energy was building with another win.

Steve got up, cleared off the table, plugged in, and sat down.  Another win, his total had crept up to over $1,000 in just a few minutes.  

Steve entered the high roller room.  “Just looking,” he said to himself, picked up the phone and dialed the Thai place down the street.  He watched the high roller action for a few minutes.  The $10,000 bet button winked at him, he ignored it, but it winked at him again.  He clicked.  “My Golden Ticket,” he said with a small smile creeping across his face.  He was back in the game.

DC Taxis

Not sure why this matters to me, but DC taxis must officially be painted red & silver over the next few years (as they age out of service or get bodywork).  So over the next few years, we'll be phasing in the red & silver cabs

Maybe it's my love for order.  Or my sense of aesthetic.  But I'm excited that one day, there will be an official DC taxi color.  I imagine the red & silver taxis zipping around town, easy to spot, and helping make a more vibrant city.

Vouchers are available for painting work this month, with work to be completed by September 15.

Because I'm a dork, and I'm bored, and I need something to think about while I walk around trying to get 10,000 steps on my Fitbit....I occasionally do an unofficially tally by cab stands or in streets. My totally unscientific estimate is about 1/4 to  1/3 of DC taxis currently sport the red & silver scheme.

5 Words.

Interesting exercise via Joanna Goddard via Nora Ephron.

Five words I'd use to describe myself right now - that is, today, September 2, 2014, age 44

Smart. Funny. Mom. Searching. Homey.

Struggled with # 5 - Professional...Successful...Content...Homebody....Present...Here...all came to mind.

I [HAIKU] NY

 

Wow! It's National Poetry Month!  How'd I miss it?!?  
Hello, Billy Collins, Mary Oliver, Margaret Atwood.
Urban poetry lover that I am, THIS inspired me to blog again.

Once again the NYTimes nails it by inviting readers to write a haiku about the Big Apple. Five/Seven/Five syllables. 
Evoking nature. 
Quiet. 
Japanese. 
Haiku is my favorite poetry form.

Here are some simple beauties:

morning Q commute
has the best smell of the day:
coffee and shampoo
                     —Vanessa Vichit-Vadakan, 43, Berkeley, Calif.

Riding through the park
no daffodils blooming yet
— but unbuttoned coats.
                  —Sharon Rousseau, 50, Manhattan

“Insufficient fare!”
But, without saying a word,
stranger swipes me in.
                   —Janet Gottlieb, 59, Brooklyn

If the “F” comes now,
I could get there, right on time.
But I’m still in bed.
            —Jill Helene, 34, Manhattan

On the 6 to Spring
two cops help a tourist whose
map is upside down
            —Frances Richey, 63, Manhattan

****Themes were kindness, strangers, 6am, commute, the island, and solitude.  Thus, a few train references. :-)

I'm alive!

I know because ...

Not today's real weather map, but I love all the swirly colors.

It's freezing cold.

I wouldn't mind some warm and spicy daal right about now.

I think I'd like to get back to blogging.

Breathtaking

This poem is so beautiful, so heartwarming, it literally took my breath away and gave me goosebumps.  

So in these days of summer (summer camp on the brain), and years of motherhood (Dear Daughter, I'm forever humbled), and a lifetime of being a daughter (thank you, Mom), it seemed especially apt to post, share, and save. Flag for Mother's Day 2013.

Poet Billy Collins is a gem.

It's your narrative, use it well.

Another lovely Hax perspective on love and life.  In this case, the letter write was having difficulty coming to grips with the ending ambiguity of a relationship.  Blame? Responsibility?  Shortcomings?  (Dis)Honesty? But no, we are mere mortals just trying to get to the end of the day.  Here's what she said.  So wise...

"Here’s the narrative I suggest to replace it: You’re just two people who tried to make your unique combination of strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, histories and hopes fit together — and in the end, they didn’t."

And another great 'toon from Nick...where has he been all my life?

Love this!

Just really appreciated this set of posters advertising an art exhibit in Dakar.  Nice, storng graphic statement.  Love the blue-black-white print.  Nice going, Dakar!

Tempting

Another little fantasy - how about a home in Cyprus?  Check out the article and the slide show.  I can so feel the warm sun, the fresh breeze.  I can taste the olives and the glass of wine. I can imagine reading the book on the patio, the stroll about town.

At 450,000 euro, it's a dream, but a good one!

Not guilty

Happy to say, I'm not guilty of any of the cliches of good taste as reported in this NYTimes article and slide show.

No vintage typewriter ,monogrammed towels or taxidermy in my house!

Details, details...

File under Major Blindspots - this article describes a study that finds the IUD the most effective method of emergency contraception, with a failure rate of 1 in 1000.  Great, but for emergency contraception (post-facto-ooops birth control)  the morning after pill does just fine for my money with a low 1 to 3% failure rate. The article states, despite the IUD's efficacy and safety, it is rarely recommended by clinicians for emergency contraception.  The reasons cited - it is not covered by insurance and it is not readily available.  Frankly, I'd add invasive to the list of why it's not a great option as a back-up option.  You have to get an IUD inserted through the vagina into the uterus.  A great long-term contraceptive method, but not super-appealing morning after plan B.

Didn't we just go through this in Virginia?

Please consider a donation to Planned Parenthood.

The 55% have spoken

A sea change is in the air. Yesterday, the shareholders of Citigroup voted against the proposed compensation packages of its top 5 execs.  While the vote is not binding, the 55% who were opposed sent a clear signal about outrageous outsized pay to these corporate cats.  The tents of Occupy Wall Street have been taken down, but the sentiment has rooted, and not just within a fringe-y radical element.  One of the nay voters represented a Philadelphia money management firm that lays claim to 5 million shares of Citigroup.  I'm pretty sure their rep was not camped out in Zuccotti Park. I can't help but wonder if there was some organzing around this vote.

It's about equity; it's about fairness (The Buffett Rule); it's about stakeholder (and shareholders) exercising their voice.  The pendulum is swinging - it's a long, and not altogether smooth arc.  And this is not a 4-year term, but rather a generational shift, and thus more like 20 years.  I'm recommending a veggie share in your local CSA (community-supported agriculture).  It's a different kind of dividend.   

Music, movement, breath, beauty

Wow.  Isn't this gorgeous?  This interactive media feature in the New York Times shows how conducting works with the musical director of the New York Philharmonic.  With very cool videographics from the Movement Lab, we can see the invisible lines and waves he makes with the tips of his fingers and the swoops of his hands.  We see him crouch and lift, bend and nod, as he explains what he his trying to draw out of two classical pieces.  I especially like the way he explains the draw of the note (how it finishes) and anticipating the arrival of a new instrument.

Classical music can be so  supremely beautiful.  At my trip to the Kennedy Center last month to see a special concert of the National Symphony Orchestra, I was so enchanted with how classical music just holds you.  There is something in classical music where the individual sounds of the dozens of instruments and an odd hundred musicians swirl in the air, blend, and become one beautiful sound.  I remember trying to just listen for the strings or the woodwinds, and it is a difficult task, as they become indistinct from one another as they fill each corner of that magnificent hall.

Beautiful (but also sad)

Isn't this a beautiful infographic representing the voter divide and the voter turn-out data for the DC Primary election for At-large City Council member?  I love infographics, and I love data.  I wish I were better at presenting and depicting data in this beautiful visual and clear way.

Washington, Post. April 4, 2012

On a sad note, this city is so racially divided, depicted so clearly on the map - the white (blue) -black (green) divide feels more demarcated and prominent than ever as the city's demographic change.  See how Upper Cupcake aka Upper Northwest is so blue, and the blue travels south to Georgetown, and eastward to 16th Street NW.  Travels that Golden Mile, crosses over to Mount Pleasant and the now gentrified Columbia Heights, Dupont Circle and the lofts of downtown Chinatown, and condos of NoMa.  It stays blue across The Mall, well into Capitol Hill, and south to the SW waterfront and Navy Yard.  If only we could track that voter spread against real estate prices, household income, and of course race.  Likewise, the green stays east - first in Petworth,  down and over to Bloomington, Trinidad, and Benning Road, and across the Anacostia to Congress Heights and Minnesota Avenue - in the blackest parts of our city.

The red map is good, too.  It seems our low interest in voting traverses the entire city hovering around 15% across the voting precincts.

Will this city ever overcome its racial divide?  And how?  What would that look like?  I mean Marion Barry just got re-elected to City Council in Ward 8 with 72% of the vote!  Then, he got a little giddy with that victory, and began talking trash during his election night speech at the Player's Lounge about getting rid of the Asian-owned businesses.  SMDH.

Things that make me happy

Because you just can't help but smile, when you round the corner, and see Big Ben....
on a clear blue sky London day...

...or after a stupendous evening.

Smart & Sushi

Best Cocktail of My Entire Life

In between my Tuesday late afternoon meeting and meeting the fam for Indian dinner, I stopped by the exquisite Brown's Hotel in Mayfair for a cocktail.  Best mixology I've ever encountered! - see below photo of the counter along the bar of potions and mists to make these tasty chic and tres cher cocktails.

In anticipation of a lovely dinner ahead, I enjoyed The Indian Touch, a sparkler composed of fresh mottled raspberries with gomme syrup and cardamom seed infused Brockman's gin topped with fine French champagne. ($25- ahem)

I can't say I've ever had a memorable cocktail before.  This totally qualifies!  The bartender took good care of me - I think because at the crowded bar, I was the one who was savoring every sip, every moment.

Long distance train travel? Why, yes, I'd love to!

A wonderful article in this week's WaPo travel section extolled the virtues of long distance train travel.   This particular article highlighted the writer's trip on the DC-Chicago line Capitol Limited, and then from Chicago to San Francisco on the California Zephyr, through the glorious Rockies!  There's also the Empire Builder that takes a northern route to Seattle across the Dakotas.  Wow.  I am enchanted.  Check out the breathtaking photo gallery.

I love train travel.  Even on my regular trip to NYC a few times a year, I just stare out the window mostly at industrial NJ along the I-95 corridor, but also across the Chesapeake and its tributaries as we race through Maryland.  It's a short-trip, about 3 hours, but I always feel relaxed after a train ride.

Last summer, I took Dear Daughter to NYC by train.  She was dying to see the "snack car," which i think she imagined like a DC-subway car filled with all the goldfish crackers and granola bars you could ever want.  I've been tempted to take her on a longer train trip to Burlington, Vermont or even Montreal, Canada.  It's still in my sights, though I haven't worked out all the details. On one of my trips, I sat next to a guy who had taken his teenage son on a train trip to Chicago to visit family.  Tempting.

And these long-distance more exotic trips across the country or down the west coast sound even more magical.  The Coast Starlight (Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles). The Lakeshore Limited (NYC, Boston, Albany, Chicago).   Amtrak Cascades (Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Eugene, Salem). I'm blissed out by the routes alone.  Forty-hours on a train?  Perhaps it would lose its allure quicker than I think - for me, let alone a nearly-8 (!) year old.  But I imagine a panoramic window seat, lots of card games, a few books, an iPad, and a iPod Genius soundtrack would while away the time just fine.

What's holding me back? I haven't worked out the logistics, and silly as it may sound I can't figure out what we are doing when we get to our destination, or how we get back....Not rocket science, I know, but still puzzling me for the moment.

Book here.  All aboard!