World Poetry Day - March 21

In honor of World Poetry Day, here are some of my favorite poets:

• Mary Oliver, a wonderful poet who captures nature, New England, and love so perfectly (what more can you ask for in a poet? Thoreau?)
• Pablo Neruda, such Latin passion and romanticism, such a Communist, such a Revolutionary - literary and political
• Billy Collins, so wry, so accessible, so simply spectacular, and yet, no less a poet
• Margaret Atwood, better known for her gorgeous novels (I'm a fan, too), this Canadian poet is deep, dark...and beautiful

And a wonderful Collin's poem to better enjoy this great literary art. :-)

Introduction to Poetry 

Billy Collins

I ask them to take a poem

and hold it up to the light

like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

The Earth's a big blue (white) marble....

WOW!

Such incredible satellite shots of February's historic and massive snowstorm.  And some of the Big Meltdown

When I look at this, I am awed by satellite technology, the weather, and our planet.  And then I think,  I am but so small roaming around my little block of DC - and yet so wrapped up in my personal universe.  And yet, each person roaming around the earth has such a huge butterfly wing effect on each other and on a global scale.

Thanks to JS for the DC-ist links.

Paris, je t'aime

Fabulous and funny installation in the Paris metro!

Can't wait to go next month!

Mommy Wars

This is an interesting NYTimes blog, "Room for Debate"  that teases out the impossibility of being a good mom, and the divisiveness it creates.  Of the blogs, I found Ayelet Waldman's and Judith Warner's words particularly resonant.


From Ayelet Waldman.... 

The vast majority of mothers find themselves forced to make professional sacrifices. Even if they work full time, their careers are often on trajectories very different from what they’d imagined. And if one is forced by circumstance to sacrifice an ambition that one has nurtured, if one is forced to see oneself in a completely different way, then by God it had all better be worth it. 

This means that our children have not only to be happy, but to do well, to be successful, to reflect the value of our sacrifice. That also means that our decisions about our children take on fraught meaning.

Someone else’s choice becomes, at times, not just another way to do things, but an attack on us, on our choices. We can’t disagree, because disagreement means that our choices are not merely different, but wrong. And we have far too much at stake to allow that possibility. So we go on the attack, we paint one another as bad mothers, when what we are really afraid of is that we might be one ourselves. 

 And from Judith Warner...

It seems to me that this posture comes out of insecurity and an over-investment in the choices we make as mothers. It’s as though, in making decisions about vaccinations, or preschools, or the permissibility of dessert, our identities are on the line each time.

Are our identities this unstable? Perhaps this isn’t surprising at a time when many of the old certainties are gone.We’ve been liberated from the narrow life paths that mothers were expected to assume in generations past. But we don’t particularly embrace this liberation. Unlike the baby boomers before us, we don’t revel in the new possibilities of motherhood today, largely because the promises of feminism have time and again come up against a wall of political impossibility.

Our much-vaunted “choices,” in an absence of family-friendly social policies, have largely proven hollow. For most mothers, the real freedom to choose how they live their lives remains a distant dream. Many blame themselves for falling short and then buttress themselves against self-criticism by critiquing other mothers’ so-called choices. 

There would be great relief - and much greater solidarity - for mothers in realizing that just about everyone, in one way or another, is struggling to keep her head above water.

Beirut Grocery Shopping List

Hummos (tinned)
Baba Ghanouj (tinned)
Tahini
Bottle of red (Bekka Valley, Liban)
Sesame candy
Date cookies
Sumac
Honey with pistachios
Olive oil
Licorice candy

I think I might have overdone it, but it was all local!  And irresistible...(Ummm...maybe I have food issues?!?!).

I go home tomorrow, and after all these feasts (coming home from the most recent 3-hour dinner at 11:30pm),  I'm actually looking forward to a little de-tox fast from overindulgence.  It was quite a wonderful visit (and business trip).

Midday in Beirut

After a short, but deep and heavy, nap at midday, I went to do some chawarma research.  A walk up, down and around the hilly streets of my hotel neighborhood, Achrafieh, I found myself at the highly recommended (by two trusted and independent chawarma sources), Boubouffe.

The sandwich was excellent - hot and succulent.  My Pepsi hit the spot.  When traveling  - tired, hot and jet lagged - nothing beats the Pepsi/Coca-Cola combination of cold, sugar, and caffeine in the mid afternoon.  Together, with a cup of strong coffee in the morning, and a glass of wine with dinner, it's my secret jet lag remedy.

I found myself wishing again that I could flow as effortlessly between French, English, and Arabic, as so many people here seem to.  I must say, I love the way ink flows from a pen in Arabic - all right to left, curly and beautiful.  It is not as easy on the ears as it is on the eyes - it sounds a bit harsh and guttural.  That said, having witnessed a few traffic confrontations, it seems to me it would be immensely colorful and satisfying to tell someone off in Arabic.  As in, "You can take your chawarma and stick it up your butt.  And while you're at it pour some Pepsi on it so it's nice and fizzy."

Charmed, I'm sure

This evening, at the invitation of Amal, I took a short trip, 26 miles up the coast to the ancient city of Byblos.  There, we strolled in the souk - the labyrinth, lantern-lit streets, quiet and empty. Later, past the Citadel, my footsteps echoed on the cobblestones of the still and silent courtyard of the mediaeval Church of St. John.  Wandering down to the small port, blue and white fishing boats were docked for the night in the protected harbor.  Walking out and looking back from the jetty, the lights of the seaside restaurants, nestled into the hillside, glowed from the mainland.  Then, as we climbed the winding, narrow road of blind corners, my French phrases of delight, curiosity and observation were interspersed with my slight breathlessness.    A shrine was set back along a path just in sight of the road.  There, an ages-old shelter housed a statue of the Virgin Mary lit by the candles left behind by her pilgrims.  Two simple wooden benches provided a moment of meditation, mindfulness and prayer.

At several times over the hours, I had to pinch myself.  I'm in Byblos.  In Lebanon.  This is my charmed life, as if I had a genie in a bottle.

Stand on the Side of Love (5)

Today a historic wedding took place at All Souls Church!

Ladies' Lunch in 3 Acts (and one seduction)

Scene: La Plage restaurant
On La Corniche, in Beirut, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea

















Characters: Seven women
5 Lebanese, 1 Eritrean, 1 American; ages 24 to 75

















Act I: Eight+ mezze 
Hommos, moutabaal, fatoush, halloumi, kibbeh, and more

Act II: A giant platter of brochettes 
Lamb, chicken, kibbeh with french fries

Act III: Two extravagant desserts
Ice cream with cotton candy, and crushed pistachios

Our protagonist with hookah pipe

La femme fatale 
Amal (purple) kept winking at me

Domestic Goddess

Nigella Lawson - domestic goddess - is my alter ego.   A British food writer, journalist, and broadcaster, she holds an MA in medieval and modern languages.   She cooks and eats with gusto (and banks a living on it).  While stunningly beautiful at 50 years young, she also has managed to gracefully embrace and inhabit her healthy, curvy figure.  A refreshing change from the skinny, sharp models that the media and the general public exalt.

Here's a Nigella quote from a 2007 article in the Times Online.

“I think it is a fear of flesh,” says Nigella, “maybe of vulnerability and softness.” Is that ultimately a fear of sex? “I don’t know. But I do think that women who spend all their lives on a diet probably have a miserable sex life: if your body is the enemy, how can you relax and take pleasure? Everything is about control, rather than relaxing, about holding everything in.”

Dispatch from LHR

Landed at half-7, and began the 8-hours of layover limbo here at Heathrow.  I considered going into London - but the immigration agents strike slowing the queue, the rush hour commute to the city on a Monday morning, and having to be back by 2pm for my international departure only to go through security once again were formidible-enough deterrents. After transiting from Terminal 3 to Terminal 1, and wandering around Hamley's and Boots (why do I love Boots so much?), I found the airline lounge.

This was a good move.  For $25 (and for the remaining 6 hours or so of waiting), I have wi-fi, breakfast snacks (cheese, biscuits, croissants, and nice strong coffee), a comfy perch (I'm spread out on a little sofa), and a clean loo.   All complimentary (well, for my entry fee)!  There's even a full bar, though not too appealing at the moment.

Lovely indeed.

Stand on the Side of Love (4)

It may be cloudy, raining, damp, and cold, but...

Today is a beautiful day here in Washington, DC!

Are Metrics Blinding our Perception?

These days, I eat, sleep, and breathe metrics.  As part of the "metrics movement" in philanthropy and social change, I'm fascinated by trying to measure this stuff, demonstrate effect, and provide evidence for program investors and stakeholders.  (Speaking of movements, there was even talk last week about a metrics index of social movements.  Very cool, but good lord, I can't take another index!  Have fun, guys.)

So while I am a professed metrics maniac, I can't help but remark that the tail is wagging the dog.  The expectation that metrics will save the world, as some seem to believe, is just unrealistic  Behind every metric are assumptions, trade-offs, dirty data, and variables that compromise it. Frankly, this makes quantitative data as guilty of malleability and elasticity, as the much maligned qualitative data.    No numbers without stories, no stories without numbers. 

Yet, far too many people "ooh and ah" just to have a number attached - whether that number has any meaning whatsoever.  Read the footnotes, people! - the ones that say what this number does, and more importantly does not, tell us. Or learn a bit about the methodology used to obtain that number to really understand it.  (Ooops, I'm sorry your eyes are glazing over.  This is one of the problems). 

Sadly, some evaluation methodology and quantitative research and data has corrupted expectations.  Certainly, business has been spoiled by its metrics simplicity - profits and loss, return on investment.  Yet let the fates of Enron and Lehman Brothers be a reminder that these derivatives are stranger than fiction, too! And dollars are just plain more countable than the messy, complicated lives of actual human beings. 

Other areas like clinical trials and operations research have helped set an unrealistic and unattainable bar for social programs metrics.   Even they struggle with the messy trade-offs.  Recent clincial trials for HIV prevention methods - such as an HIV vaccine or a microbicide - grapple with the question is 60% effective good enough for market?  These trials have exorbidant costs and inordinate time investment.  The same bar is not appropriate for small grants, general philanthropy, and your typical social prorgam.

Metrics is an art, as much as a mathematical formula.  So are social programs, for sure.  At some level, there is trusting your gut.  I might be a metrics maniac, but I have much greater faith in my intuition.

Aftershock

"The massive 8.8 earthquake that struck Chile may have changed the entire Earth's rotation and shortened the length of days on our planet, a NASA scientist said Monday."

Wow!  I'm not sure whether to be concerned or not about a shorter day by 1.26 milliseconds (though really, I need longer days for a bit more sleep, not shorter ones).  But the idea of a massive earthquake shifting the earth's axis and rotation totally rocks my world.

Match.com

Here's a doozy of an introduction from a potential online suitor...

Hi Angel,
It really beats my imagination to see such a pretty angel like you online i must confess you are amongs the wonders of God beauty,let me not be carried away by your beauty,ohh sorry i ought to introduce my self

My name is Eric and I really enjoyed reading your profile. You are very pretty, obviously smart, and I would love the chance to get to know you better.

...and it (unfortunately) continues, but I'll spare you.

Now, barring prison inmates and/or teenage hackers trying to have fun by mind-f***-ing divorced, "desperate," single moms  (I've got my radar on for both kinds of trolls), I really do give human beings the benefit of the doubt for all our respective flaws.  And I do recognize that we are all just plain searching for a soul with whom to connect, to love and be loved.

However,...

Bless thy heart, Eric...but I'm afraid, I would rather be single until hell freezes over than go here.

*sigh*

Lebanese Taverna

"Following her lead, I took a corner of warm bread, rolled it into a cone (a nifty trick for scooping up dips) and tasted. It was excellent: lush, mouth-filling, creamy and flavorful — like an earthy milkshake."

I can't help but smile here at this description of eating hummus in Beirut.  I'm preparing for my own trip there, leaving this weekend.  I enjoyed a tasty dinner at the local Lebanese Taverna with JS yesterday evening. And this appeals to all my senses.

Here's the food porn link.

Yay.

Provenance de La Nouvelle Observatrice

Le Nouvel Observateur is a weekly French newsmagazine.  Here's a little wiki about it's editorial direction:

The magazine's new charter, adopted June 2004 (on the 40th anniversary of its founding), described the paper's principles:

...The Nouvel Observateur is a cultural and political weekly whose orientation belongs within the general social-democratic movement. A tradition ever concerned with combining respect for freedom and the quest for social justice.

Since 1964, it has covered political, business and economic news. It features extensive coverage of European, Middle Eastern and African political, commercial and cultural issues. Its strongest areas are political and literary matters and is noted for its in-depth treatment of the main issues of the day.

Postcard from Wisteria Lane

Having a blast with Bree, Edie, Gabby, Susan, and Lynette!  The kids grow up so fast - hard to believe!  Learned that Dear ex-Husband has been re-married for 2 years, and neglected to tell me.  Seems DxH did it before our divorce was final.  Found out through Facebook - what a small world!  Wish  you were here...
Xox, V

Dude, your snowboarding pants are like too tight...

Tight snowboarding pants are *so* uncool, let's maintain the "integrity" of the sport!  ;-)

Nate Holland (USA) said the Canadian team is pushing the limits of a long-standing gentlemen's agreement to keep boardercrossers in loose-fitting pants.

Snow: post-mortem

The Blizzards of 2010 (I and II) set me back considerably - home- and work- life and house.  Therefore, it did not get any coverage in my blog (Federal government shut down, and so did La Nouvelle Observatrice)

However, I did find this interesting

Snow in 49 of 50 states!

And my guys over at Capital Weather Geeks...ooops, I mean Gang!...had excellent storm coverage, forecasting, and humorous and fascinating weather trivia.   Here are some 2010 season snow stats for the mid-Atlantic.

A pretty good day!

All Souls, see Michele
Fill fridge with fresh, healthy food
Swim 40 minutes
Do laundry
Put it away
Book ticket to Paris!!!
Do first cut of taxes
Look for new job

;-)

haiku (just for fun)

Winter sun rises.
Bright white sparkling snow dazzles.
Blinded by the light.

Prayer for Haiti (and for us all) from Rev. Rob Hardies, All Souls Church

I was so moved a few weeks ago, I asked Rob to send me this prayer he said at the January 17 service at All Souls Church.  Here it is...

Dear God, in times likes these many of us are tempted to ask: Where are you?

Filled with despair, some understandably believe that you have abandoned your people. Others, cruelly, suggest that the earthquake is a manifestation of your wrath. A punishment for your people.

But God, here’s what I believe. I believe that you accompany us in our sorrow and in our suffering. I believe that you are the spirit that sings compassion in our hearts. You are the fount of our resilience, the hand on our shoulder. You are shovel against rock. You are the light that finds us in the rubble. And, when we breathe our last, I believe that you are our final home.

I don’t know any of this for sure. But it is what my spiritual ancestors have taught me, and it is what I’ve experienced in those precious moments when I’ve felt closest to you. So it is my faith.

Dear God, help us in our belief and our unbelief. Help us in our faith and our doubt. Help us in times of struggle and devastation. Times like now. We ask that you help especially the people of Haiti in this, their time of trial, and people all over the world who are touched by this tragedy, including the people in this very sanctuary. God, be with us always. Amen.

Some good pro-choice news

It's a wasteland out there in "good news" for bodily integrity.  So let me just say that while 37 minutes of deliberation was 36 minutes too long to find Scott Roeder guilty of  the first degree murder of Dr. George R Tiller, it is an unequivocal message that it's *not* ok to shoot doctors who provide a legal, safe abortion options.

I have 'a thing' for David Pogue ;-)

Pogue's posts

And for what it's worth, I've been too crazy-busy to really blog.  Everything is either too far "past" to give it serious due and reflection (like the State of the Union, the state of non-profits, Haiti); or too fluid to make an actual acute observation (work, life, love).  And the current wacky work intensity is not likely to let up for the next few months, which will make it hard to make good on my commitment to "fix job."  Damn it!

This is why I LOVE the Capital Weather Gang...

A snowy surprise, 10 years ago today

and this...

Late-week snow potential emerging

and this

FAQ - Snow Lover's Crystal Ball

Books 2010: Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

I'm definitely a Jhumpa Lahiri fan.  I loved her debut collection of short stories, Interpreter of Maladies, which won a Pulitzer.  I liked, but didn't love, her first novel, The Namesake; and liked the movie even less.  Unaccustomed Earth is another collection of short stories, and a novella.  Here, she shines!


The stories focus on Indian-American-British life in the US, in the UK, and in India, woven seamlessly across these disparate worlds.  Old world, new world.  Immigration.  Culture shock and adaptation, or not.  Intergenerational dynamics.  Cross-cultural relationships.  These themes are fraught with the nuance,  complexity, and tension that I so appreciate, and Lahiri captures it acutely.


The stores are beautiful, but also dark...Toddlers being left in the bathtub while the uncle is passed out. A woman pinning her sari so when she ignites herself it will be harder to save her. A college student screaming insults at his prepubescent step sisters and storming away (when he's supposed to be babysitting them) knowing they'll be terrified.  Lahiri acutely observes marriage in its most alienating and lonely form.  She captures the heights, depths, and confusion of a new love affair.  

At times, I would put down the book with an incredible empty emotional thud, but also richer for the complexity of our human experience.  It is a lesson in empathy, and a keen character study.  Desperate people do desperate things.  At times, I was swept away in her prose - her beautiful word choice, her evocative descriptions. And I give her credit for writing about sex without being contrived in any way.

4 stars (of 4) - I love Jhumpa Lahiri's writing, her themes, her insights.  The book was dark, desperate and depressing - but to be honest, it's that frilly shit that makes my stomach churn.

Blogging while intoxicated

The clucks have all left.  Dinner was delish.  I enjoyed cooking and hosting it, a moment when I'm happiest.   The carrot soup with orange essence and tarragon was quite scrumptious; the rest I would happily twiddle with.

Someone said I set the bar high when I brought out the Veuve Cliquot at dessert.  Not really, it felt good...and this bottle brought to me by Nan and Megan on my 39th b-day was especially good.  "I'll drink this, " I said, "for something to celebrate  in the next year."  [If you remember, dear reader (see year in review 2009), I was still crying a river of tears at that time, including at my b-day party surrounded by good friends, good people, good things, good food, when I briefly broke down for all that I faced and lived on that day.]  And while I have celebrated several good times and events since then, I chose to open the VC now, to celebrate with my good and lasting 12 cluck friends, for no and every reason, in particular:

- To good friends, laughter, cooking,
- To dedicating time to happiness,
- To the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 - where I wonder and marvel at what awaits, at what I do not yet know
-To finding a spiritual home, I didn't even know I was lacking,  at All Souls Church
- To the benefits and after effects of swimming - its peace, sanity and health
- To embracing my lusciousness, at long wonderful last
- To turning 40 in 2010, and while my life is not as glossy as at 30, it has, right now, a remarkable embrace that comes from being happy here and now, and to realizing that even my bittersweet happiness is somehow more fulfilling and meaningful having overcome so many trials, as when it was wide open and limitless
-To sex in all its marvelousness
- To having,  holding, giving, and getting love for however long it lasts

Cycle Chic

Cycle Chic is a blog I found about cycling and style in Copenhagen. I've mentioned my love of industrial design, I also love great urban planning and infrastructure that builds community. Here is a great film clip from that blog on cycling infrastructure in Copenhagen.  I really must visit Helle.

Menu: January Book Club chez moi

Clucks - a book group of wonderful and irreverent moms where more than half the people read more than half the book more than half the time

Carrot soup

- with sherry and orange essence

Spinach quiche

Lentil Salad

- Lentilles de Puy with citrus vinaigrette

Baby greens with walnuts and chevre

Cheese plate

- with fig preserves

Baguette

- with sweet farm-fresh butter

Apple tarte

- with homemade ginger ice cream

Red wine and assorted microbrews
Celebratory champagne

 

Haiti - no words

I have no words to describe this disaster or my own emotional response to it.  I'm also working on this at work a bit, so I have almost nothing left in terms of verbal, physical, writing energy to devote more.  Once again, I'll just punt to All Souls Church because they say it well, and somehow get the
spiritual/emotional/action balance just right.

So much information your head will explode, too!

I like data, metrics, and analysis even though they can make my brain short circuit when I'm in way over my head (which can happen pretty quickly).  This is *so* cool - a *fully* interactive mapping of Netflix rentals by city, by zip, by film, by most to least popular!  This is not labeling something interactive when it's not.  Scroll over a specific zip code, sort the movies, check out a particular movie's popularity (Milk, Star Trek, Julie and Julia) .  Check out the distinct patterns highlighted for Mad Men, Obsessed and Last Chance Harvey - what's going on there?  I could play with this all damn day, but I have to work my real job.  Seriously though the data set and presentation is just mind-blowing!

From my sub-conscious

Last night I had a dream that disturbed me more as the day went on - though I did not actually recall it until the late afternoon. 

I was at a camp, very wooded and cool.  I was excited to do the various activities - sit on the dock, take a canoe out on the lake, etc. - but there were snakes, adder snakes. They were huge and green, and would coil under the dock planks or around a low-hanging tree limb.  Each time I saw one, I would get up and walk away, being delayed and deterred from my intended activity.  "I have to watch out for the black adders, " I thought, and cautioned unseen others. "Be careful of the black adders."

Even within the dream, I was analyzing it and sensing some significance.  The snakes, I knew, were phallic;  Blackadder was JS.  Yikes.  What's up with that?

Glorious food!

Too crazy-busy to blog, but ever a NY Times junkie, foodie, and connoisseur of the good life, I'll crib this article on the 11 Best Foods You Aren't Eating, and just say that I have particular affection for beets, though not for sardines, and I'd probably get a B+ on the rest.

Destinations

The NY Times published one of its annual features, "The 31 Places to Go in 2010."  This year, of most interest (to me at least) - Patagonia Wine Country, Copenhagen (a possibility, as long as my friend, Helle, lives there), Damascus, and Norway (fjords!).  Of note on their list, and where I've already been...and loved...Mumbai and Cape Town (World Cup 2010!).

However I have my own list of - hoped for or planned - destinations this year.  Beirut (on last year's NYTimes list- oooops, now security risks would keep it off) and Paris (40th!), and Pittsburgh (work) are sure things. Canada (visit Carla?) and Vermont (still hoping one day to take the train to Burlington) are good potential getaway possibilities.  And if I'm a good mom, Orlando, FL for DisneyWorld  - but it's up for debate whether I'm good-enough mom to get that together.

These days, my preference is definitely for destinations that don't involve air travel or change of time zones.

Pithy. Tart.

Cool! Must see....

My favorite aunt and uncle were recently in town.  I hosted them for breakfast, and scammed an invitation for dinner with them at G-town's La Chaumiere.  It was a lovely evening - delicious food and good conversation.  As NYC public school teachers and former Peace Corps Volunteers (like me), our conversations often turn to some my favorite topics - art, reading, travel, the NY Times, the state of public education, cooking, etc.

On this trip to DC, they spent the day at the museums, and this exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of Africa Art sounds just wonderful.  I have always been vexed that the museum did not feature more contemporary African (and diaspora) artists.  Instead, it has defined African art as sort of a natural history/sociocultural/anthropological collection of ornately carved drums, walking sticks and pipes.  So I'm pleased the new curator gives these artists more attention.  I am also a fan of textiles, and the Dutch wax print fabrics, so prevalent in West Africa, are familiar and evocative to me.  Here, Yinka Shonibere uses these amazing vibrant printed fabrics to recreate Victorian scenes.    Here's another.  Anyway, just another way to look at things and bend the mind a bit.  I will have to check it out soon.

Books 2010: Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon

This book – a collection of short essays - was amazing! I laughed out loud. At times, I read it aloud to others and to myself. I re-read passages and sentences just because I enjoyed and appreciated the thought and the prose so much, and wanted to savor each delicious word. Admittedly, I slowed down in this book towards the end – lost focus with my many distractions and less uninterrupted reading time to immerse myself. I got this book from the library, but it is definitely one I want to own, and re-read time and again, discovering its riches again and anew.

Chabon writes about manhood – a topic of which I am endlessly fascinated, as well as bewildered. However, as a thinking, thoughtful, smart man, he has endless insights on the topic that go beyond the typical observations of hormones, power, sex, machismo and masculinity. While retaining absolute masculinity - his love of baseball, his appreciation and drive for sex, his geekiness in his love for Dr. Who, his ability to compartmentalize ;-) - he is also insightful and sensitive observer.

[And I fear, I’m getting into stereotypes – but know, dear reader, that I am fully aware of our human and gendered complexities. I have wrestled with my own as a strong, intelligent, independent woman with not much interest in, in fact resistance to, girliness, maternal nirvana, and things frilly and frivolous. But somewhere along the way, I also embraced and accepted my femininity as good, and not diminishing, and my love of lipstick totally within the realm of acceptable].

Chabon explores his identity an experience as a man- as father, husband, and son. He chronicles his relationships with the people in his life, and the unique dynamic with a man they each provide – his wife (both current and ex), his eldest daughter, his younger sons, first father-in-law, his best friend, his brother. I have a greater appreciation for what each of these distinct relationship dynamics mean for a man.

He does all this with a light hand and a sense of humor (seriously, I rolled laughing), and writes from an accessible place of common experience and recognition. But he does not miss the mark on depth, wisdom, complexity, and nuance (among my favorite qualities in a book and in a person (MC is, unfortunately for me, happily married)). He employs rich prose, a wonderful vocabulary (mine is failing me right now), gorgeous metaphor, while also freely referring to “ass-sliding” when no other word could do any better justice.

New Year's audit

Lists
It's always nice to start the year with my home affairs in order (even if it doesn't last too long).  Thus, the list for the first day of 2010 (yesterday) was something like this:

Undo Christmas  - (usually I wait until the weekend after New Year's or to get through Orthodox Xmas, if possible, but with the help available and the time on my hands, Christmas was undone by noon on New Year's Day :-) / :-(
Write thank you notes
...find addresses and mail them
Pay bills, settle year-end accounts

Assist with air ticket fiasco, so I could sweep ex out of house (bittersweet)

Stock fridge with fresh, healthy food
Do laundry
... and put it away (have since generated more)
Set up laptop computer wi-fi!  - (Hurray!)
Buy flowers to cheer up quiet, emptier house (and cheer up G who has had sad eyes since her dad left this morning)

Design Within Reach (TM)

I have long been a fan of design - specifically industrial design.  I love when form meets function.  I love when the design reflects an a-ha! moment.  I like when a product is stripped of bells and whistles to its most core competency, and is the better for it.  I like when a new design or idea changes the game, and sets the standard, not because it is pretentious, but because it is smart.  I have a running list of such things.  Here are some.

Tax rant (not what you might expect of a tax rant)

I really don't have a problem with taxes, and I don't really understand what all the fuss is about.  Recently I've been thinking about what I pay and what I get, and I'm sure I must be net positive on my quality of life return.  So here's the analysis for demonstration's sake  - rough and oversimplified, that digresses on a number of topics, and ends up an absolute rant.  I really hope I have a teabagger
reader.  :-)

Xmas 2009

I don't know why it's so, but it seems that Xmas always ends with a empty thud.  It seems it's par for the course for so many.  Sure, the food, delicious; the presents, just right; the laughter, joy, excitement and wonder of beautiful G  to be cherished; twinkling lights, Divine; and lots of singing, off key  (Fa-la-la, La-la-la, La-la-la).

But I'm tired, and I'm relieved it's over (the anticipation always being better than the actual thing), and I feel  half-empty (instead of my usual half-full :-), distanced from my family, and unconnected.

I desperately need to get outside.  Get uncluttered.  Take a swim.  Reclaim myself. Detoxify.   Tomorrow, JS - I'm happy about that, but a little nervous.  I hope it's good.

Menu: Boxing Day 2009 (with JS :-)

First

Pumplin ravioli with sage butter

Second

Filet

Mesclun greens with walnuts and blue cheese

Afters

Traditional Christmas pudding

Vanilla ice cream

Champagne

A Nice Red

Kisses

xoxoxo

Books: Loving Frank by Nancy Horan

This one was just annoying.

I just hated both Frank Lloyd Wright and his mistress, Mameh Borthwick.  FLW is a narcissistic, selfish, manipulative, controlling ass.  And for all her talk of her awakening feminism, Mameh is weak, naive, innocent, and utterly misguided in her interpretation of it.  This feminism just bit her on the butt.  She is not in a healthy relationship at all, but rather used and acquiescent.  And in many ways, she was misguided and selfish taking for granted her husband, children and sister.  I'm not for staying in an adequate, but stifling marriage, but her treatment of her devoted, loving, patient husband Ed Cheney, in finding herself (ok, fine) was just utterly unfair to another human being.  And I certainly don't sanctify motherhood (far from it), but she walked away from her obligations and responsibilities of her children, John and Martha.  They are innocent, and she simply left them hanging.  She used and took advantage of her sister, Lizzie, who sacrificed her own life to support her sister's indulgences and raise her kids.  I don't believe one can be taken advantage of without consent at a certain point, so shame on Lizzie!  But she did step up, when Mameh stepped out, and I put the blame squarely on Mameh.

And sadly FLW is spoiled for me.  I have always admired his architecture, and appreciate that he re-defined the field, and maybe even defined/put on the map contemporary American architecture in the first place.  I suppose I can detach his art, and still appreciate it.  But that notion of the  untouchable, unaccountable creative genius is just far too much to take.  And his money problems, screwing everybody over so he could settle for no less than tailored Italian suits, is just utterly vexing.

I suppose to get so riled up about a book, means I actually did enjoy it.  But I'm not so sure.  I found it overly sentimental.  At times, I felt like Horan was portraying this as a great, but ill-fated love affair, and romanticizing and idolizing their love.  Perhaps not, because she did not blindly describe the missteps and remorse.  To be honest, I couldn't tell.

Two stars (of 4) - because it captured my attention and wrapped me up in the characters' lives, as well as introduced me to a facet of FLW I never knew.  Not more, because at times it was just cloying.

Menu: Christmas Day Breakfast 2009

Santa Arrives

Coffee

Main meal

 Baked challah french toast with strawberry sauce 

Country-style sausage links

Fresh-squeezed orange and grapefruit juices

Coffee 
Tea 

Menu: Christmas Eve 2009

Appetizers

Broiled scallops & bacon

Broiled dates & bacon

Parrano cheese with fig jam

Baguette rounds

Crudite assortment with coarse kosher salt

Olives

Nuts

Chilled Prosecco

Gifts

Main meal

Prime rib roast with horseradish sauce

Roasted potatoes

Yorkshire pudding

Green beans almondine

Cabernet Sauvignon

Buche de Noel

Chocolate truffles

Coffee

Peppermint tea

2009: Year in Review (3)

[Dear Reader, Please scroll/jump to the 1st and 2nd installment.  I'm writing chronologically; you are reading in reverse]

Fall, at last!  Usually, this is a good time for me, as I'm perpetually on a back-to-school cycle, and I hate DC heat.  Swimming fell by the wayside, which was a bummer, and had its effect on me.  I suffered with a chronic cough, swine flu, swimmer's ear, and constant jet leg and fatigue from travel (California, Toronto, San Antonio, California (x2), and India).  Still, there was a general upward trend, as my sickness and ills waned, I swam a bit, spent more time at home, and started spending time with Hiking Viking (who I think with this post, will be henceforth referred to by his first name, Jan).

Let's start with him...

Snow!

Snow!  These days weather seems so warped - at least from my nostalgic memories of childhood.  And we haven't had a good snow in such a long time.  But a storm blows from the south - with winter weather forecasted from this evening through Sunday morning.  Maybe 6-12 inches!!  Haven't heard that in a while!  I'm not much for sensationalized, exaggerated forecasts.  In fact, I think they get people all wound up over nothing (and then we are inured when a weather event does actually happen).  But I think this one could be a good one!! (Note to self - must get gas and cash).

A few more thoughts on this particular snowstorm. 

Stand on the Side of Love (3)

Woo hoo!

Dear Friends,

I've just been informed that the Mayor has chosen All Souls Church as the venue for tomorrow's signing of DC's Marriage Equality Bill.  It is both an honor and a privilege for our church to host such an historic event, and it is testament to the hard work that so many in our congregation have devoted to the passage of this bill.

The bill signing is open to the public, so you are all welcome to attend.  It will take place at 10:45 am in the Sanctuary.

In fact, we invite you to come early, put on a "Standing on the Side of Love" t-shirt, and proudly welcome people to your church.

Love,
ROB

Feeling something ominous....oh sh*t

This time I hope my finely-tuned gut check is extra sensitive, and I won't self-sabotage by calling an unnecessary fire drill.

2009: The Year in Review (2)

[Dear reader, I’m writing my year in review chronologically, but if you are just arriving, you’re reading it in reverse chronological order. If you want to get the full picture, I recommend you scroll/jump down to the 1st entry.]

Summertime. I began to feel some stabilization. Life was now going to continue as it was, with Laz in the military; Grace in a good public school; reliable childcare; and work in autopilot. Many times, I felt my nerves frayed and my fuse short, but I was swimming twice a week, and that was doing wonders.

I began this swimming routine in 2009, specifically to clear my f-ing head, and it did do that. When I was at my wit’s end, a swim could clear the noise and set me straight. Ideally, I’d get this daily or 3-4x/week, but 2x/week was realistic, and I’m all about what’s “good enough,” not "ideal" these days.

2009: The Year in Review (1)

2009 was a year.  I can not be more understated.  As the year closes, I guess my conclusion would be that it was a flat - back to baseline; at best, achieving a small uptick.  But considering 2009 started deep in the negative, and continued that trend for a few months at least, that’s damn good news.

As the year began on the heels of a trying 2008, I put stock in the global sea change that I hoped would project on my own personal sphere of influence.  I was excited, thrilled even, at the reality of Barack Obama becoming President (and still am!).  It felt like a new beginning, and hopefully a turnaround that would translate into my personal life as well.  (Funny, how I (like many others) expected  for that to work out.)

Unstuck

Sometimes it feels like things are stuck, no movement, no momentum, no traction.  Some things got unstuck today, and I'm happy about that.  I had a little of work energy today - after a long stretch of being uninspired, unmotivated, and unengaged - so perhaps the little bit of my input got some return.

In any case, I'm happy that:

Stand on the Side of Love (2)

I could post the news link from the Washington Post, but it is more meaningful to me to share this from the point of view of my church, All Souls Unitarian, and its amazing pastor, Rev. Rob Hardies.

Dear Friends, Just moments ago, the DC Council took an historic stand for love. By an 11-2 margin, Council Members voted to legalize marriage for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens. Marriage equality is coming to the nation's capital! It was thrilling to be present in the Council chambers as history was being made. When the vote was announced, people shouted and wept for joy. Friends, this is what it feels like to stand on the side of love. I am so heartened by the role our congregation has played in this important human rights struggle. All Souls members and ministers took a leading role in founding a coalition of nearly 200 DC clergy who supported the bill. We contributed money, marched on the Mall, called our Council Members, and talked with our neighbors. We helped change hearts and minds. And not only have we secured passage of the bill, we have changed the national debate on marriage equality. We've shown that this issue can unite communities rather than divide them. People of all ages, races, creeds and cultures can stand together on the side of love. I want to thank all of you for helping make this day possible. Of course, the struggle for marriage equality in DC is not over yet. After Mayor Adrian Fenty signs the bill, the United States Congress has 30 legislative days to veto it. We hope that Congress will respect the sovereignty of the elected leaders of the District of Columbia and allow this bill to become law. When it does, then we will know the real reason we've labored so hard. Then, every loving couple in our congregation will be equal not only in God's eyes, but in the eyes of the state. Thank you again. Love, ROB

The NYT 2009 Year in Ideas

I have always loved this annual feature of the NY Times Magazine.  I'm somewhat of a NY Times junkie.  What I enjoy about this is the concepts of forward-thinking, out-of-the-box ideas, that may define our future (or not) -  what seems absurd, might not actually be so....or so absurd, it's brilliant.  Time will tell.  I especially love the intersections of design and technology.  Check out Bicycle Highways, Manmade Greenery, and the Cul de Sac Ban..  Lots of 'i' words come to mind - ideas, innovation, inspiration, illumination.  It jazzes me.

And every year, the end page of the ideas issue shows some cool - and questionable - patents awarded that year.  This is always good for a little chuckle.  I particularity like the graphic presentation here.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...

Since the beginning of the year I have been swimming. Remarkably, it is something that I have stuck to to great effect (and my great amazement).

First, I should note that I *hate* exercising, I loathe gyms, and I can't play many sports.  I like to walk, dance (a dance class is great!), practice yoga, cycle here and there, hike/walk in the woods, and swim.  In general, I'd like to think my physical activity is integrated to my life, but not sure if that would pass muster.

So, at the beginning of the year, full of stress and anxiety, and with a very short fuse, I knew something had to give, and I probably needed to work through it with exercise.  It was so bad, I almost joined a gym, but knew myself well enough to know that I would ultimately fail at that, and not only fail for not working out regularly enough, with "adequate" intensity or frequency, but also because I was just wasting my money.  A double whammy, and certain to just demoralize me further.  Biking?  Not sure I'd actually get the bike out of the shed often enough.  And dance classes were just too confining with a specific class on a specific day at a specific hour.  A no-go.  I even thought of taking up running  - clearly, I was desperate. 

I realized that there was a renovated public pool in my neighborhood - totally free to DC residents.  I wouldn't be wasting money, but actually being virtuous anytime I'd go.  Plus I couldn't fail at *not*spending money should I not work out.  As mentioned, it's sticking, and here's why I think so:

Distance meme (just because)

With thanks to Hiking Viking for this meme...

Farthest North? - Stockholm, Sweden.  It was on June 21, no less, a gorgeous light-filled night.  The Swedes were out and about and quite joyful.  I remember visiting several homes and offices, and thinking that Ikea *really* is Swedish.  There were lots of Volvo's and Saab's on the road.

Farthest South? - Cape of Good Hope, South Africa.  A lovely national park extends along the point; the Indian and the Atlantic Oceans meet and mix.  That day, I saw two whales breaching in one of the bays/coves along the coast. 

Farthest East? - Beijing, China.  What can I say?  It blew my mind.  It was quite the cosmopolitan city.  I was not quite prepared for it to be another New York or London (tho' far less charming).  I expected more of a Mumbai, and it most certainly was not.  G, in all her profundity, made the best observation of all, "Mama, it doesn't look like China, it looks like New York, except for the people.  The people look like China."

Farthest West? - Honolulu, HI.  Even though I was a teenager, I barely remember it.  I was struck by how far away it is.  That, and the price of Corn Flakes.  Everyone goes to work early, to be in touch with the mainland - but beachbound by afternoon.  It was so long ago, that working my more recent memory, my first inclination was to put Portland, OR

Highest Mountain -  Seen - Mt. Kilimanjaro (and will climb in 2020! - my 50th b-day; and G's 16th); Climbed?  Not sure, but I'm quite sure it wasn't a name-brand peak. 

Hottest Place - I'm sure I've been in triple digits somewhere in the Sahel - Niger, Mali, Burkina Faso - but dry heat is fine by me.  Absolutely most god-awful hot was in Dar Es Salaam, TZ - dreadful, hot, humidity, a drippy face. No doubt though, and no exaggeration, I've been equally hot in DC

Coldest Place - Probably South Hadley, MA where I went to college - I recall biting, bone-chilling New England winters, and my first frozen lake.

Personal Notes: I've been to 42 countries on 4 continents; never to South America, Australia, or Antarctica :-)  I've lived (more than a month in one place) in France, Switzerland, Senegal, Cote d'Ivoire, Tanzania, Guatemala, and the US.  I've been to 23 states, I think.  I'm tired of traveling - not done with it - just a bit weary; I'd never complain about it and I'd be miserable if forced to stop traveling.  Airline travel has become a punishment.

The Girl Effect

I love this!

In her backpack...Every Girl's Everyday Empowerment Kit

From GFC blog...


Delhi, India - In our World Café session today at the GGI (Grassroots Girls Initiative)/GFC Knowledge Exchange, small groups discussed various issues relating to improving the lives of adolescent girls. My group discussed the skills and tools necessary for adolescent girls to be able to transform their lives. The notion of agency, or self-direction, is critical to this goal. In early discussion, the key elements of this type of empowerment were easily identified: education; economic empowerment; life skills (such as decision making, self-awareness, and self-confidence); reproductive health information, knowledge, services, and supplies; independent mobility; and knowledge of rights.


Additionally, a social network of peers and “navigators” provides a needed source for support, security, and nurturing, while also mitigating the isolation too often encountered by girls of low social status in their families and communities—such as child brides, girls in domestic work, out-of school girls, rural girls, and young mothers. In this context, my colleagues and I also discussed the importance of role models and mentors to provide vision and a sense of possibility. In all settings, but especially in culturally or socially restrictive environments, supporters and champions are equally necessary, providing a safety net so the girls know that “someone’s got their back.”

As the conversation progressed, we felt we were becoming stuck in generalities and not breaking new ground. What if we could actually equip a girl for her everyday empowerment? What if we could give her a backpack (a symbol of free mobility) filled with the necessary tools that could help her direct the course of—indeed, transform!—her own life? Here’s what we came up with in a conversation that was inspired, impassioned, and full of laughter:

In her backpack:

•  Cell phone (for social networking, calling her mentor, and even banking(!))
• Some money of her own
• A map, a compass, or a GPS!
• Toilet kit (some tissues and some sanitary napkins – her dignity)
• ID card (a birth certificate, some documentation of her identity)
• A good book
• A condom (or, in an ideal world, a female condom or some microbicide)
• Pocket-sized directory of women’s organizations and community resources
• Pocket-sized copy of the International Declaration of Human Rights and/or Convention on the Rights of the Child (armed with information!)
• Bottle of clean drinking water
• Change of clothes (you never know…)
• Self-defense tool (hot pepper spray or maybe some martial arts skills!)
• Some good tunes (music gives confidence!)

He brought me pickles :-)

The very sweet and attentive Hiking Viking remembered a conversation we had about Things French, my love of good food, and petit American pickles being too sweet to qualify as the French ones.  So he bought me some cornichons!!  Awwww...

Stand on the Side of Love

DC Council gets it right!  I think marriage equality is one of the most important issues of our time.  Various state referendums indicate that gay marriage can't win a popular vote, which leaves me incredulous (tho' I suppose it shouldn't).  I'm a romantic optimist here, albeit an impatient and pragmatic one, that one day love will prevail.